Friday, March 20, 2009

Matters Of The Heart.

My blogging mojo has been in a recession for months, with no bailout on the horizon.

With the advent of my final trimester, compounded by the arrival of spring, it's only worsened. Once upon a time, the beloved nap allowed for a bit of blogging with a soothing cup of tea. But now, IF I even turn on the laptop, I physically wince when I open Google Reader.

I am consumed with nesting. If there's a drawer, I MUST DECLUTTER. If there's a closet, I MUST CLEAN. There are windows to wash, a nursery to finish and a boy to love.

With only 10 weeks to go, I find myself oddly grieving my 1:1 time with Toddler. My greatest fear is he'll feel slighted when the twinkies arrive. This very apprehension wakes me up each and every night. Maybe every parent feels this way when their first child is no longer their only child. Maybe it's adaptation hard at work.

I don't know.

I'm trying to making every moment matter. Even if that means playing basketball when one can't actually bend over to pick up the ball anymore.

Okay, I gotta go clean this disgusting keyboard.

82 COMMENTATORS:

  • Kat

    Yes. Every parent worries about their first child when another one is on the way. But I think it is probably compounded for your because you are expecting twins. Very understandable.

    Adorable shot.
    And I think you "owe" us another belly shot. ;)

  • Robyn

    Aw, how can you not want to spend more time with him. How cute is he?! I'll bring PB over and they can shoot hoops:) I'm sure it will all work itself out once the Twinkies are here. He'll get into a new routine and roll with it.

  • Corey~living and loving

    hugs! I'm sure it is totally normal to feel that way.

    I'd love to see a big belly shot. :) might look like you are trying to steal the basketball. :)
    happy PSF!

  • Patois

    Can you come clean my house, too?

  • Jaina

    Oh MamaGeek, I love you! I'm so excited for you! :) After the Twinkies are born, if you're comfortable with it, want to email me your mailing address and their names? I'd love to send you a few little somethings ;)

  • scrappysue

    he is a cutie. i can't believe you're in your final trimester already - it's gone so fast (for me!!!) perhaps not for you lol

  • Wayne

    Great photo friday. the kid looks quite contented with the basket ball and I think that playing a game with mom and dad even if they cant do all the moves is great. I cant really speak from expierence when it coems to babys but Im sure everything will be fine. you will get your blogging mojo back I am su re

  • Michelle

    Ah, first borns! They are our tester children.

    Don't worry, you will still be able to find one on one time with your first born. Babies sleep a lot and playing with your son is far more important than a clean house. :)

  • wright

    I'm struggling too. Since Lizzy arrived two weeks ago, I feel like I am short changing my first born. I know it will get better and I know you will find your way as well.

    Give your kiddo an extra kiss or two!!

  • Sharon

    It's hard not to worry especially about things you haven't had to experience before, but I am sure you will do great and he will not be left out! :)

    I agree another belly shot would be great!

  • Chris

    The thing about love is, it's capacity is endless. You will find the time and the special moments for each of the children.

    But I guarantee the house will never be the same.

  • Mental P Mama

    It is part of life to say goodbye to being the only child. It happens to the best of us;) And we turn out just fine. Good luck, and take it easy. They aren't done yet!

  • Head Gaggler

    Aww, what a beautiful shot of your little boy. He is gonna SO love being a big brother that mama will take a back seat, you'll see. I can't believe you are down to 10 weeks, how exciting. I know you will have your hands full but I know you will have time for just him once you all get your groove on.

    Oh and yes, more belly shots.

  • Elaine A.

    I think you went on about nesting and some other stuff but I was too distracted by your cute child... ; )

  • CC

    Only 10 weeks left??
    wow!

    I cried and cried after I brought home my second child b/c I was so worried about what I had "done" to The Flash.

    Luckily, what I "did" was provide him with his best friend ever! :)

  • ValleyGirl

    Awww... yeah, his life will change, but don't underestimate how excited he'll be about his new siblings. You'll likely feel guilty a time or two, when he'll ask to do something exactly while you've got one latched on each nozzle, but he'll adapt. Kids are miraculous that way.

    I think you've got a better handle on your priorities than most ~ keep it up and I don't think ANY of your kids will ever feel left out.

  • Cathy

    I know what you mean. I didn't believe that I could love another baby as much as I did my first....oh, how I was wrong. There is enough love for all...and enough of YOU to go around! :-)

  • Midwest Mommy

    BG did great when LM came. I just always made sure to include her in everything. He will be fine...enjoy these last two months.

  • Indrani

    It is normal to be a bit worrisome when the second one comes along. Take care!
    Can't believe the little one is going to be a big brother. :)

  • Jenners

    I'm sure it is going to be a HUGE transition for everyone when the twinkies arrive. (Love that name.) And let yourself off the hook with the blogging. Just do what YOU want to do, when YOU want to do it. Your "me" time is about to shrink by a million I suspect. I'm sure you'll do great with paying your son the attention he needs ... babies will take up a lot of time but they don't need the same TYPE of attention. Hang in there.

  • lisaschaos

    I think you're absolutely normal and a good mama. :) There will be adjustments for your little, especially with two being added, but I wish for you a little boy who loves his siblings and feels happy to have them in his life!

  • Merrily Down the Stream

    Hey Girlfriend - I have complete faith that you will have love enough for all of them and that little man will adjust. And those wee ones will ADORE him. Their eyes will follow him every where and I'll bet he'll be able to make them smile when you can't.

    Oh and by the way - I want final shots of that belly. THEN we'll see what huge is!

    xoxox From one Twinkie Mom to Another

  • Lisa Wheeler Milton

    I think it's a common feeling we moms harbor. Believe me: Your love will be big enough.

    Now if I could only harness a bit of that de-cluttering mania...

  • tommie

    These are very valid feelings. I feel your pain. Mine are only 16 months apart. It is a continual struggle to make sure both have some "mommy and me" time every day. But it happens...and it will with you as well.

    He looks so big here!

  • Kellan

    Yes, it's hard to imagine other babies ever making their place in your heart or home, but they do - they really do. Spend time with that precious boy!!! We will all be here when you are here!!

    Take care - see you soon - Kellan

  • Momisodes

    What a sweet photo. I can only imagine the bitter sweet anticipation you're going through, but I'm sure it's totally normal :) Good for you for savoring every moment now.

  • Honey Mommy

    Wow. Ten weeks left!

    No wonder you want to spend every precious moment with that boy. He's adorable!

  • Cecily R

    I was the same way with Isaac when I was pregnant with Gracie. I'm sure it's only compounded since you're expecting the Twinkies. The amazing thing about being a mom though is that your heart increases with more children so there's more room to love them. As cheesy as that sounds, it's the truth.

    If I lived closer to you I'd take Toddler out to McDonalds or the park when you're in the hospital. It seems like one of the best things for moms is to know that the older kids are being attended to and adored when new babies come. :)

  • Straight to Your Hart

    So, those nesting vibes need to be sent my way!! tehe...

    Darling picture..

  • david mcmahon

    Bravo. Every moment DOES matter - when they're little and even more so when they're older.

    I know .....

  • Hilary

    Yup, I remember feeling that way. You'll get over it when you find that you don't even have time to think. ;)

    Your son is just adorable. Go cuddle, rest and nest. Blogging will be here waiting for you when you're ready. :)

  • Angela

    Remember that your little one will have two adoring playmates soon enough (well maybe after a year or so). Hang in there!

  • JCK

    You will be fine! More than fine. I promise. Twinkies! And your beautiful boy.

  • flutter

    ahhh, the nesting :)

  • Morgan

    Nesting. Fun, fun. :)

    That is a great picture of your son. Too cute. :)

  • Maggie May

    I can remember feeling like this and it didn't happen!
    Must be a very natural feeling when a mom has a second baby. In your case second & third!
    It is SO exciting having twins!
    Your little boy will seem suddenly very grown up when you see the little ones and he will be able to *help* with the babies!

  • Maggie

    That basketball is almost as big as he is! Too fun!

    I have a friend that has twins that are 18 months younger than her daughter. Her house is crazy and loud and fun and loving - and I know she wouldn't have it any other way! Try not to stress too much...just think of how amazing it will be to watch toddler love those twinkies!

  • Amanda

    WOW! Only 10 weeks left???

    I don't have any babies on the way but I always wonder about how Aaron would take it. Also how I would take it. I like all the special time we have now, but then.....I'm starting to think he needs a friend.

  • Krystyn

    Yes, I worried about that, too! And, you know what? You find that happy balance.

    And, you'll probably shed some tears, too. Like when Izzy fell and hurt herself and I couldn't save her because I was nursing Nat. But, it gets better.

    And, man is he handsome:)

  • Kimber

    He is adorable and I'm sure he will be uber excited when babies arrive. I'm sure as long as he feels he is helping he won't feel slighted in the least. I understand your worries though. I think every mother feels that way.

  • Jacki

    He's adorable!

    Pretty soon, with all those kids around...just getting up will be a feat! Don't worry about blogging.

  • Rachael

    i felt the same way before my little ones are born, but once they are here that will all melt away. he will likely be just as in love with them as you will be + want to be helpful. just make sure to specifically set aside some alone time for the big brother + all will be well. for both of you. for all of you, really. hugs as you navigate these last 10 weeks. i cannot wait to meet the little twinkies!

  • Stacy

    Oh, what a little cutie! I wasn't overly motivated to do much of anything when I was pregnant and had a toddler. Our kids are 17 months apart, and really I'm sure his doesn't remember life without her. Don't stress about! :)

  • Diva Scrapper

    I agree. I have one child and that fear..that fear that I cannot love more than one as much as I love him, that fear that he will lose out because of another baby..that fear..keeps me to the one. I pray...and I'll pray for you too.
    Your little one is adorable.

  • Jaina

    I actually did PSF!!! Came back by to add my link :)

  • photomommy

    He's so cute! Don't worry, things will be ok, you'll work into a groove that will work well for all of you. =)

  • Kelly Deneen

    He is such a cutie pie and will be a GREAT big brother!! Have fun cleaning. :)

  • Susie

    I get the nesting, and I FEEL your anxiety. Change--it's one tough inevitable--but these are changes for the good and it won't take long before the excitement replaces the worry. You are doing a great job--you are almost there!
    Happy PSF!

  • Stacie

    yep, each parent reacts this way...you will see, it will all work out just fine!

  • DoodleBunz/DB Impressions

    Trying to steal the basketball, or trying to EAT the basketball? ;) Yes, you definitly lament the loss of 1:1 time, but you find new ways to make every moment matter....its really kind of neat how it "happens." I too would loooooooooove to see another belly shot!!

  • kaye

    the advent of #2 just makes your heart bigger! there is always room for love

  • Working mum

    He'll love them and you'll make a great family. It's natural to worry about change, but this will be such a lovely change. And think about all the fabulous photos you'll be able to take of the three of them!! WM x

  • Frani

    HE IS A DOLL and yes I think it TIS adaptation hard at work.

  • Frani

    And that's a promise. :)

  • Holly at Tropic of Mom

    What a cute boy! Not sure if I've seen a photo of him before.

    I can relate to so much about this post: already mourning the 1:1 time with the boy and **dreading** having to bend over.

    I'm not nesting or cleaning yet, though. :)

  • Kelli @ writing the waves

    I was the same way, wanting to soak up every minute with my daughter before my son was born. But what brought me the most comfort was how much she loved her new brother. And I'm sure your little guy will be TWICE as excited as she was!

    I can't believe you only have 10 more weeks! WOW!!!

  • Janet

    Your heart makes room for more babies and his will too.

    But, yes, by all means, you should soak up this time with him. Because they love the one-on-one and it does get harder when more children come. The blogs will wait.

    Be well.

  • Laura@Storytellin' Mama

    I felt this so much... and now with four little ones I still look for balance and one on one time with them all and feel sad for my oldest who is so independent and growing up so fast.

    Beautiful shot!

    The great thing is, they are a tribe of their own and without siblings and their little community I think they would be so less enriched!!

  • Elle

    so cute
    take the time with your little guy
    Good Luck on the last ten weeks!
    cute pic and post

  • Gina

    But he's gonna LOVE those little twinkies to bits. And it will be a bit hard at first. My doctor of all people actually gave me some pretty useful advice when my second came. He said every single day make sure you have at least five minutes of just you and your little guy alone. That's all they need to connect and know you're there. The second little piece of advice for me that was invaluable was to make sure to have the first one "help mommy" as much as possible. They then don't feel that mommy is being taken away so much because of the new bundles but rather, he is sharing in the new adventure with mommy. And I so got the nesting clean-out syndrome with mine as well. The hubs thought I was insane. But I couldn't STOP!

  • Joyce

    You're making the right choice. Time with your dear little guy is an A#1 priority.

    My twins (now 24 years old) were born when our first born was 18 months old. His only disappointment seemed to be that the girls didn't come 'ready made' to laugh and play with him. When I told him the babies would be coming soon, he said, 'Vroom! Vroom!' assuming they would drive up to the house. :P

  • Joy

    Great photo. I remember being concerned about how I was going to find enough time to give to my first born and her new baby brother. It's an adjustment, but it worked out fine. :o)

  • the mama bird diaries

    I felt the same way before my second was born. Now I see the two of them together playing and it brings me such joy. You are giving him a gift. Seriously.

  • Amy Y

    I'm feeling the same way...
    He's so cute! How's he feeling about the soon to arrive Twinkies?

  • Casey's trio

    I think you will make things work just fine once the babies are here! Wow~10 weeks will FLY by!!

  • Deb - Mom of 3 Girls

    I remember feeling that way before both of my younger girls were born - and I wasn't even expecting twins. Your relationship with him will change, but it'll only be different, not worse. :) And he'll have baby siblings to play with! And to teach how to play basketball in a few years. :)

  • Bren

    He is absolutely precious! Of course, you want to spend every waking second with him.What you're feeling is something I think all mothers go through. I'm betting your boy will adjust better than you think, especially with you loving him through it. He's just the right age to be mommy's little helper when the twinkies arrive. :)

    Oh, and I want a shot of you bending over for that basketball. ;)

    Miss you, Dude!

  • Andrea

    Ignore your google reader. Mark all as read! You are doing what I SHOULD be doing (even without twins on the way...).

    ps: do we get an updated belly shot soon? :)

  • Karin

    I felt the same way during my second pregnancy - I was far more concerned with the child I already had, than with the one on the way. Once your twinkies are born, you will find a way to work it out. I've discovered that there really is safety in numbers as far as families are concerned, especially as the kids grow older. I love the friendship between my two and the way they turn to each other for support (and also to do all kinds of devilish things!). I makes me want to have another... I think of you often - happy nesting, it is normal and enjoy the 1:1 time with your eldest because you will miss it, but it will be replaced with something...even more satisfying.

  • Angela

    Instead of feeling like cleaning my home is getting messier.

    The third trimester is exciting though. The babies will be here before you know it.

  • Pinky

    He is beautiful.
    Yes, I grieved the loss of that 1:1 time.

    Totally normal, mama.

    Hugs for you.

  • Melanie

    I imagine that is something all parents worry about. And I would imagine having 2 on the way makes is worse.

    And oh my goodness- look at the cuteness! He is adorable!!

  • painted maypole

    10 weeks???????

    clean now, because it will be years before you get to do it again. ;)

  • SAIA AND CHAGO

    The coolest thing is that Toddler is going to acquire so many new and special names and positions in the family. He's going to become and will always be your First-Born. But he's also going to be The First Boy. The Singleton. The Big Brother. The Eldest. The Example. The Guinea Pig. The Leader.

    It may not feel like it right now, but you are giving him a really special gift, too.

    And can I just say, as a total aside, that in my last trimester with our twinkies I was already on bedrest, so the fact that you're even attempting to bend over to pick up a basketball has me in complete awe of you.

    You're gonna do great!

  • Killlashandra

    Well my twinkie arrives too I worry about how much W.W. is going to feel slighted. His older step brother leaves for the army the end of May and then this one arrives in June and that will be a lot of change for my almost 4 year old to take in. He talks about his baby brother and saves things for him but the reality is no where near sinking in.

    Stay well, I wish I could spend more time at home with him that's for sure.

  • Tricia

    Can I hire you?

    Hope you're doing well. It just seems like the other day that you announced your pregnancy, I can't believe there's "only" 10 weeks to go.

  • Gypsy Mom

    Look at that face! There's no way you'll slight him. Of course you're worried, but you're a bombin momma and he's gonna be stoked to have some newbies around!

  • Pann

    hard to believe it's just 10 weeks to go!

    I remember worrying that I might not love my new baby as much as I loved my firstborn. Then I worried what if I love my newborn more than the first born. Then I worried, what if I'm so tired that i don't love either of them enough. So you see, you worry no matter what!

    Now I can honestly say, that I love both kiddos just as much as each other.

    You'll be fine in that department.

    Happy nesting!

  • Kelly Deneen

    You do NOT look that big at all! You look perfect!!!!

  • MetaMommy

    You totally captured my mood at (1) 35 weeks with #2 and (2) over the past few weeks. I'm assuming it's some weird spring decluttering thing (no, I'm not pregnant!!), but every closet, drawer, and cupboard must be organized or I can't function. Come to think of it, I think it's because I didn't get to do it before MetaGirl was born, and only now am I finding the time and interest in doing it. As a result of the decluttering, cooking, cleaning...oh, and parenting, the last thing on my mind when I sit down for an hour (after their bedtime, before mine) is blogging.

    ::shutter::

    Bad MetaMommy.

  • Kelli @ Gohn Crazy

    Enjoy the nesting. I could use some of that...without the result of babies. ;)

    And I think the mourning of the 1-on-1 is completely normal. I went through it too

  • Louise

    In a way I think you're lucky you're nesting. I never did with either pregnancy. I never even packed my hospital bag.

    The reader is scary and I'm not pregnant. Enjoy your life! And I was terrified about the older one, too, with only one on the way. But it all works out... somehow.