Some Things You Can't Un-See
Wherever we have ever lived, we have always had that one unique neighbor.
Currently, we have an 82 year old cantankerous male. He overfloweth with free assvice and OCD. He says stuff like "Your dog is shedding on me, he belongs in a barn", "You should wash your car" and "The Interweb is for yentas".
Trust me, any witty response is a complete waste.
He washes his vehicles every day. He shovels while it snows. And, perched on his riding mower like a cowboy, he mows his lawn rain or shine, every day, in only a Speedo. Uh-huh, a Speedo, that wasn't a typo.
Dis and gusting. Junk ventilation of any variety just ain't right.
Friday, while inflating my bike tires, he appeared in our garage wearing only that Speedo. He immediately sat on my bike, proclaimed my tires were flat, my bike was dirty and then left. Some things you truly can't un-see.
I haven't been able to look at my bike the same way since. A shopportunity perhaps?
Let's hear about your favorite neighbor. Best story wins something*(tbd-possibly a bike).
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I got nothing on ya, sister.
I, too, have a neighbor who mows constantly- though fully clothed. He is also 30 and not too hard on the eyes, although an ass in real life.
My story about same neighbor (there are many): he washes (by hand) his gutters and downspout twice a week with a bucket, rag and cleaner.
Two weeks ago, he made his 8 year old watch his 20 month old for 5! hours! while he pulled weeds out of his ditch by hand and sprayed weed killer.
Also, every time he mows, he washes the windows and power washes his driveway and lawn mower. Every time.
He details his car and his wife's weekly. With a toothbrush.
These are true- I can't make these things up!
But the speedo? I spit water all over my monitor- thankyouverymuch.
Wow, didn't mean to get verbal diarrhea there in the comment section....
Now I have that visual in my head - thankyouverymuch!
I had a neighbor that had these annoying little dogs that yapped all day long and I wished they would die and then about a week later one did. I was HAPPY!
Take care- Kellan
Ewwww! Just ewww!
I guess I have been lucky. My neighbors have all been fairly normal and luckily...they all mow fully clothed!
Oh wow, that is wrong.
Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. What a weird, weird person.
The funniest neighbors I ever had would sing karaoke at like midnight across the "holler" from us, (holler- like a big valley) until like 1 AM- and it? Was not AI material. Good Lawd. These people made that Chung guy that tried out on AI sound good.
The worst neighbors we had were in the Apt in Savannah. They had to go to work at 4 AM- they had 4 dogs. When they left? The dogs went In. Sane. And would howl for like 3 hours. Geesh.
....some people....
that is hilarious...I think I would run for the door if I saw him coming.
My favorite neighbor was on we had in the east bay of San Francisco. I was big mongo pregnant with Livi. Will was just 14 months old. I saw he and his wife outside for the first time. I introduced myself and the kids. With a straight face, the husband said, "We work in the city, we aren't looking for friends." I thought he was joking, and I laughed out loud. One of those great big make-your-belly-shake laughs. He WASN'T joking! He never said hi or bye after that one time we talked. Growing up in the south, that was very foreign to me.
a funny neighbor in TX used to dry his brand new Mini Cooper with a leaf blower! He washed that dang thing at least once and week and gave it a blow dry! Made me laugh every time.
I'm still stuck on speedo. wow.
I don't have that great of a story, but a few days ago, my neighbor who I have only met ONCE (best type of neighbor..) asked me if I was prego since she and her husband had heard me throwing up.. We live on 1/3 acre lots.. she is not close to enough to hear.. but then again, I am SUPER loud when I ralph!
I'm the poor one in a fairly affluent neighbourhood. I had my next door neighbour over one day when we first moved in and she asked to see the house. When I took her to MY bedroom she said she loved it because it was so 'juvenille'.
Huh?
There are no stuffed animals or fluffy pillows in my room. Honest.
The weird thing is I honestly think she thought she was paying me a compliment.
I told this to another friend who told me this same person described her home as 'family friendly'. Nice. Does that mean 'messy'?
We couldn't decide who had the worst insult.
In my first novel I wrote about a fictitious neighbour ....
It went something like this. Bloke used to get annoyed because his neighbour's decrepit old dog ALWAYS came onto his property to pee on the front tyre of his truck.
The men wrangled about it for years.
The dog kept doing it.
Eventually the angry bloke bought a new truck.
Immediately the dog stopped encroaching on his territory and peeing on his tyres.
Why?
Because you can't teach an old dog new trucks.....
I swear it's in my first novel.
Oh MG, that is hilarious! I don't think I could sit on that bike seat again without bleaching it or something. Nice bike, btw? I'm curious, does your little one ride with you? I've been trying to figure out a way to take Baby along with me and am paranoid about using a baby seat.
You already know all about my skanky neighbor who mows in her black swimsuit that only covers half her bum. Blech! Talk about hail damaged thighs. Old girl has them!
If not a new bike at least a new bicycle seat. Yuck.
Growing up my parents had a neighbor (still do actually) that wanted us to get rid of our pet bird because she said it kept watching her and calling her name. She said she would lie in bed at night and listen to it calling her. She said it sounded like a man. ????
Fa-reaky!
I'm laughing so hard. You might need a new bike or a bottle of bleach :)
Our worst neighbor ever was one with dogs they left outside when they left the house and the dogs barked until they returned. We actually called the humane society more than once when they were gone for hours and hours.
Oh my. I don't know whether to laugh with you, laugh at you or just vomit. :) You MUST get a new bike.
The speedo thing, Yuck!!!!
Right now I have great neighbors. I did have a horrible one in Montana, a complete jerk. He was horrible. He got mad at us and everything went down hill. He called the animal control on us twice and said we mistreated our dog. He threated to call child services on me because I rode my child on a riding lawn mower while taking to my pregnant friends house to help her mow the grass. He held up the sale of my house because he complained about our irrigation well to the health dept. He was a relator and tried to get some fake guy to buy our house to take it off the market. A friend of mine called him because he was harassing me and another neighbor and the next night her mailbox was destroyed.Even after moving to the other side of the country he still wrote me a nasty letter. There was more but I do not want to bore you any further. But I now do appreciate having nice neighbors.
OK, first...yuck!
Second...we had a dreadful neighbor when I was in high school. He would sit in his window and just wait for us to park one inch too close to the curb...and then call the cops. I mean, we were/are a fairly normal family, and he called the police on us constantly! He too was a perpetual lawn mower. I don't miss that guy one bit!
NO. WAY. What a perfectly blogable moment!
OK, our worst neighbor lived above us . . . in our apartment in Columbus, GA.
They were a very ACTIVE couple. And clearly, very much in love (or lust). The walls/floor had very little insulation (their bedroom was right above ours). We heard EVERYTHING. And I mean, EVERYTHING.
One morning, around 6, she decides to vacuum. I grab a broom, turn it upside down and tap it on the ceiling, alerting her that someone actually lives below her. I hear the vacuum shut off, feet on the stairs, a knock on my door. I'm a chicken, so I pretend I'm not there. I was a dork back then . . .
A few weeks later, late at night, they go on and on with their s ex-nastics. The hubs and I are wide-eyed. We try the pillow over the head. We try the music as loud as it will go. We finally just give up. And then we hear it. ANOTHER neighbor must've knocked on their door. We hear him (we know it was him--I'll explain HOW in a second) jump from the bed. He goes to the door. Hubs and I rush to the front door, wanting to hear what happens. So nosy. Apparently, the knocker was a chicken like me and ran away. The man goes outside to look for the culprit and then we hear it. The door shuts behind him. We had those wonderful self-closing/ locking doors. He's stuck outside. In his underwear.
How did we know this? Well, his wife must've fallen asleep and boy is she a sound sleeper. After several minutes of knocking and shouting, he finally comes down to our door. Knocks. We were standing right there, but hubs puts on his best, "I just woke up" look and answers. There he is, in his underwear. He uses our phone. Wife wakes up and lets him in.
Over the next several months they continued their midnight escapades, early morning vacuuming (where she got the energy after those crazy nights, I have no idea), Karaoke nights, all night parties, and what I am assuming was aerobics.
It was a nightmare. NIGHTMARE. We NEVER, ever lived on the bottom level ever again.
Yikes. Long comment. Clearly, I'm still bitter . . .
I have 2. Our neighbor at our last house moved in as a renter. Within days he was outside at about 11 pm fixing his three vehicles (Jeep, car, motorcycle) LOUDLY. This happened several times. We complained to him. Others did, too. The kiddo was born. He still kept these bizarre hours. Left the house very late in the morning, up fixing those damn things late at night & we went off on him for waking our newborn. He seemed like a deadbeat without a job and was just "off" for a better word. Always nice acting & would say he would stop banging at crazy hours on weeknights. Then, one day it stopped. Several days went by and we looked out and noticed a car parked at about a 45 degree angle in his driveway. Then, police tape. All over the place. We jokingly said he had a meth lab over there. Apparently? He'd overdosed on something and had been dead in that place for DAYS! His mother flew from Ohio when he didn't return calls and she found him. Creepy knowing you share walls (townhouse) with a corpse.
The other was my freshman year of college. The nutty painter next door also acted weird & had strange hours. He just gave off vibes. I came home from finals and could not get in the apt complex. Something about a guy making homemade bombs and planning something BIG. The swat team, the FBI? All there. In 104 degree weather in Texas wearing black. They finally let us in the complex and narrowed it down to one building - yes, mine! Turns out? Nutty neighbor? Who also shared a wall with us? Making bombs in his apt.
And, speedos? GROSS! Buy a new bike. Donate that one to charity for the tax break.
Oh boy...I think I may have something on ya...my current neighbor across the street is an alcoholic. I didn't know this at first so the fact that he hangs in the garage and smokes a lot and the fact that people come at least once a day to drop a bag to him was a bit odd to me. Oh and don't mention the fact that he stumbled across the street to compliment me on how cute my baby girl was...yeah...weird. So I thought maybe he was some pervy pedophile or prescription drug user (which I still think) and then his (really wonderful wife) came over to explain to me that he's an alcoholic and has been to treatment and it "just doesn't work for him". OK...and then she let's me know not to be scared if he shows up at my door and tries to talk to me...just to send him home. YEAH...OK I think and am feeling a bit freaked out. So he's never really tried to bother me per se but I try to not make eye contact and keep the friendly chit chat to a minimum. Now, let's move onto his daughter...yeah, she's got a boyfriend who drives a big truck...you know, one that is really loud (on purpose) and you guessed right, they come home around midnight each night with the music roaring along with the engine and then roar off early in the morning when i'm still trying to sleep. That is my neighbor story...I wish they'd move...we bought our house first.
Oh my! You need a new bike now. :) Or wash that one really well then get someone to make it look happy again for you.
When I was growing up, in the 70s, we had a neighbor across the alley that was always in his yard in his speedo (promise) and he was gay, so while dad worried mom always said she should have been the one worrying. :)
I'm not sure that I've got anything on you, but a few years back, on of our neighbors (who was a few sandwiches short of a picnic and built his garage literally in the middle of his house - between 2 rooms), would practice his martial arts, including using a machete, on the ridge line of the roof.
oh, no, no, no...the IMAGERY alone is enough to make me keel over.
Nothing to top that!
We have a neighbor, we'll call her Nosy M. She is farily harmless, adores the children, but annoying frequently. Anyway, she was gossiping about a couple on our street who are not getting along and how he screeched away in his truck one day. I told her, in my opinion, that wasn't that unusual in married couples. ;) She then asked why my husband had driven away from our house the other day with a U-haul trailer hooked up to his truck. I explained that he was delivering a bookshelf that he had made for a client. "So, he wasn't moving anything out from your house?" ...She thought he was moving out!
oh m y word.....my eyes are burning, and I didn't even see him in the speedo. just thinking about it is enough. ick....
we live in a neighborhood where everyone has 5 acre properties. the folks to our left are in their 60's and a bit grumpy. they have yapping dogs that bark at our house at the bum crack of dawn for no apparent reason. I have never done anything about those dogs barking at us in the 12 years we have lived here. I just ignore it.
5 years ago, however, my hubby was out playing with his remote control race car which sounds a bit like a weed eater, when they came outside and asked him to stop. It was 6pm. Hubby kindly said, "well, I'm not done yet, and it isn't late, so I'll like to keep on going." They freak out on him saying it is bothering their dogs. He ignores them. After about 15 minutes, the lady comes out with a SHOTGUN. She points it at the car, and yells, "shut it off right now or I will shoot it!" Hubby, can't believe what she is doing, but keeps right on. (i wasn't home) She then starts screaming that she is going to call the cops. Hubby calmly says, "go right ahead, because I am certain I am doing nothing wrong....YOU on the other hand....big trouble." She storms back in the house. Hubby plays for 30 minutes more, and then goes in our house. He tells me about it when I get home.
I call the cops the next day to find out if she had called them on us, and if we were at all in the wrong. the cop said, indeed she had called them twice and both times was told that hubby wasn't doing anything wrong. when I told the cop about the gun. he freaked. He asked if I wanted to press charges. I didn't, as I really wasn't wanting to start a war between the neighbors. Turns out.....no laws against RC cars....but barking dogs...I could have pressed charges on that one as well.
Anyhow, the neighbors didn't speak to us for 3 years....but now....they wave at us when we drive by, and sometimes talk to me if I am outside. They still won't talk to hubby.
Speedo on the seat takes the cake. Hilarious!
When we first moved in our neighbor started bringing us unmarked DVDs with full movies on them. The same guy has about four tenants living somewhere in their 3 bedroom house (with he and his wife) we can't figure out where all these people stay.
Oh
My
word
I think I'm the crazy neighbor.
I noticed that they left the car doors open. I walked over and shut them, just tryin' to be nice and all. I was also returning a borrowed hand-mixer. I noticed the front door was ajar. Odd...
Hmmmm, knock, knock on the window.
No answer.
Silence.
Knock again.
no answer. Silence.
But they MUST be here.
Ring bell.
Oh SH*T!
It hit me. They're, uh, busy. As in...bizzzzee.
yeah. I'm THAT stoooopid neighbor.
I don't borrow stuff from them anymore.
They don't mind so much.
Your poor bike!!
Euch. Sorry - you've beaten me. My neighbours aren't so gross. Though there was a guy walking down the road in his speedos yesterday, he was keeping himself to himself.
So many neighbors...so many divorces..so little time...
I guess I'll just sum up by saying that my husband's feeling are hurt by the one neighbor who is known to have affairs with everyone. She hasn't made a move on him yet and he's all sad about it.
No exciting neighbor stories here. My parents do.
How 'bout some clorox-water solution for that seat?
I have a neighbor who runs his leaf blower 24/7. Weekends are his favorite blowing times. Oh, and he just lost a tree during a storm. He lost it to our yard; it broke our new fence, and he refuses to acknowledge it. I think we are going to aim the woodchipper through the new hole in the fence and simply return his tree to him. It's the only neighborly thing to do. Right?
Ewwww...now that is gross. Sterilize the bike seat stat. :)
We have Mr. Wilson who lives down the road. We actually don't know his real name and nicknamed him that because he is the grumpiest looking man you have ever seen. If you smile and wave at him he will give you the most disguisted look you have ever seen. He is always working on his lawn. Yesterday when I was jogging, I jogged past him and gave him a wave. He batted at the air like I was a nuisance and I almost laughed because he was wearing seventies track type shorts and a sweatband. Yes, a sweatband. AWESOME!
I thought my neighbor with the pants that are always halfway down the back of his ass was bad but I think maybe thats preferable to a guy in speedos! At least from the front, my neighbor looks normal.
Yikes! Does the man have any family that know he needs a caretaker...if not now very soon?
I'd wash the bike again or maybe add a few new decals to make give it a new look to help disassociate it from the rest of that memory.
Oh my, MG. I'm stunned. Really! Because one of my weird neighbours is also Mr. Speedo.. or rather, used to be. He's in his 60's now, but has done this for decades. He's now graduated to shorts. But for years he biked or walked around the neighbourhood in his speedo.
He is also an incredible busybody who has been known to "fix" peoples cars without their knowledge, undo and poorly redo hours of work that another neighbour spent on interlocking brickwork, talk to driveway pavers.. roofers.. landscapers.. and tell them how to do their jobs - at other peoples homes.
Your neighbour and mine might be related.
Years ago, I used to have a neighbour who after mowing, trimming and snipping grass with a tiny scissors around the edges, would vacuum his lawn. Yes, vacuum. They wouldn't let any neighbourhood kidlets anywhere near their property. Years later I bumped into him at my vet's office. They have a little boy now - about 8 years old. He looks like he belongs in a wax museum. He's so manicured and coiffed, he just doesn't look real... much like their flawless yard.
Snorting at David's comment.
Perhaps you should give away the bike. And a box of Clorox wipes.
Oooh, I have great neighbour stories. How much room can my comment take up? I guess my favourite were the former neighbours at this house. They had monster trucks that they revved up at 5:30 a.m., presumably on their way to work. Or to hide the bodies. Whatever. They also had lots 'o dogs and a toddler who they routinely spoke to using the word "f*ck." When my first born came home, they brought said toddler over to see him. She was covered in dirt and proceeded to stroke his eyes, lips, everything while her mama told me how much she loved babies and how they would have to play when he got older. Granted, I was an uptight first mom but when they moved? Sigh of relief.
Oh, we have the usual, know-it-all, has to be in the middle of everyone's business, bossy neighbor across the street with the completely unruly child (he has "emotional problems" so everyone must be completely tolerant of him as he screams at them, chases their dogs when they're being walked, rides his bike through their yards, throws dirt at passing cars, etc).
My favorite neighbor story has more to do with a former landlord. I was renting a duplex and my air conditioner went out - no joke in Texas in August - and he came right out with his BIL to fix it. I was working from home at the time and my office was in my bedroom, which was in the rear of the house. The AC unit was located in the front hall, right next to my daughter's bedroom, which faced the front of the house.
So the landlord and BIL are dismantling the AC and began taking the parts outside so they could wash them down with the hose. The hose, as it turns out, was located right outside the window of daughter's bedroom, so rather than take all these dirty AC parts down the hall and through my living room with it's cream-colored carpet, they just opened the window in daughter's room and began going in and out that way (don't blame him a bit - her room was in such a condition it wouldn't have mattered how dirty the AC parts were).
This went on for 20 minutes or so, when my doorbell rang. I answered it, to find a policeman at my door, three police cruisers parked at the curb, five more policemen in my front yard and my poor landlord and his BIL on their knees, with their fingers laced on top of their heads.
The cop at the door asks, "Do you know these men?" I said, "Well, yes, one of them is my landlord and they're here fixing my AC." And that was that.
I can only assume that one of my neighbors called the police and reported two men going in and out of the window in my house. I was very glad that I had vigilant neighbors and that the police in my area responded so quickly and with the amount of men they sent, but jeez. My car was parked in the driveway and what did they think was going on? Two guys were breaking in to my place so they could clean it? They were using the water hose right there in plain sight.
Hilarious, infact i read some of the comments and found them funny too. I haven't encountered any odd incidents with my neighbors yet. Hope it remains so.
You know, as many people have crazy neighbors, it stands to reason that some of them may be crazy neighbors without realizing it.
Our neighbors think we're nuts because we just stay inside all the time and aren't very social. And we think they're crazy because all they ever do is play basketball and drink beer and set of firecrackers.
Ewwwww! He sat on your bike in a speedo?! What the...?!? Okay, I have nothing that can top that.
The most interesting thing I've seen is a screaming toddler...
Unsee it unsee it!!!! I don't blame you for wanting a new bike.
We are blessed with fairly normal neighbors now..Wait, that means we are probably the weird ones LOL.
But, my sister's neighbors keep complaining that the frogs that moved into her fountain in her backyard keep them awake all night.
Oh yes, you need a brain bleaching. I'm thinking no story can top yours.
All the yards in our neighborhood have invisible fencing. When we moved into our house, our yard was not fenced (previous owners had no pets) so our Golden Retriever was on the loose til the fencing people came. We watched him as close as possible and let the neighbors know the invisible fencing was coming soon. But you know, dogs don't want to poop in their own yard and all. We tried to clean up after him...
One day we came home to find a dinner napkin on the porch containing a pile of poop. The nutty lady with the birdnest hair next door delivered our dog's poop back to us. (She knew the fence was coming! We'd lived there for one week!) Geesh.
Oh, the wrongness... the wrongness.
Some things can be unimagined.
eeeeeeeew! Skeevy! Fortunately my neighbors are just overly-chatty and of a different political inclination than myself. Though you must have way more social tact than me, I would have just blurted out "DUDE! WTF!!" if someone molested my bike in such a manner, and informed them that my garage is a no-speedo zone and sprayed them with my garden hose.
Ok, well you win, first of all. Ewww.
I'll try to keep my long story short...
We live in a brand new community, where the back yards and fences were not completed by the builder. Just a few months after we moved in, we got a letter from the neighbor behind us. And a bill.
You see, they'd been living there a few months longer than we had and since they had two dogs, had elected to finish the fence which borders our two yards. Rather than waiting until all of the other bordering neighbors had moved in and talking about it together and splitting the cost of the fence, they went ahead and completed it.
So we got a letter welcoming us to the neighborhood with an invoice attached that we could pay with check or cash any weekend or evening when they were home.
I never paid it. I figure, if they can't talk to me about it like real grown ups, then they don't deserve my $200. Plus, we had to complete our fence the next year and never got reimbursed from our neighbor.
I've never really had a conversation with that lady but we've disliked her since, just because you don't do things like that. Oh, and she watches with a scowl whenever my kids are playing in our back yard and are too loud.
Oh lawd! That is not good! Funny, though. :)
We had a similar neighbor growing up. My mom tried to plant lilacs to put up a natural barrier between our properties but they didn't fill out enough.
The best was when she would come out of the house in her bra and undies when we were trying to sell our farm. She always did that when we had showings. She was spiteful. She was about 5 feet tall and tipping the scales at around 300. Yeah, I can clearly remember this and it was a good twenty years ago. Some things you can't un-see.
Ew! Yes, it's time for a new bike!
My neighbor just likes to call the city and complain about things.
First it was the stray cat we feed. When we first moved in, she had kittens. We trapped them, got momma spayed, and continue to feed her in our yard.
Said neighbor used to complain about the cat -- occasionally the cat would stalk birds (around her dozen or so bird feeders) and eat them on her deck. She wanted us to control the cat, or take her inside (uh, wild cat!).
Anyway, one day I came home to find a notice from Animal Control on my door, saying there was a complaint about letting our dogs run loose.
We don't have dogs, just indoor cats. Apparently she called Animal Control and complained about the stray. My guess is that they told her they wouldn't do anything about a stray cat and she responded "What if they had dogs running wild" and somehow the complaint was changed.
She has since given up on the cat situation, ever since she got dogs she couldn't keep off our property.
Then two years ago, we had landscaping work done while we were on vacation. My husband told her we were getting work done, and if there were any problems we would deal with it when we got back.
It couldn't wait. The landscapers (gasp) mulched across the property line. She clearly told them where our land ended. She fought with the landscapers and the company owner, and called the city. A stop-work order was placed on our house, and we were left with two sets of stairs on our front porch for a month or so.
We've had no problems for a while now. Fingers crossed!
I think yours tops everyones story, but I'll try my best.
Last year Hubby printed a political cartoon in the paper that ended up offending several people, especially the local Catholic Priest, who proceeded to print the cartoon and a snotty little remark about my husband in the bulletin. Apparently he also said something from the pulpit. So my neighbor yells out the back window one Sunday afternoon -- across our fence -- and we can't see her: "My priest's not very happy with you...." and yells out Hubby's name. I could write a few more posts about her, but for now I shall close. :-)
Is it wrong that I want to see one picture of this guy on that mower? Okay, thought so. Nevermind.
MamaGeek, this is priceless. Thanks for the visual. Speedo does not work for anyone, let alone anyone over 70!!!
I have empty-nester neighbors. She feeds every living creature on earth and calls them hers. Like, "angie, your cat is scaring my bunnies" referring to the rabbits that roam the neighborhood and eat all the black-eyed susans and the lettuce you attmept to grow in your garden, etc. I thought this must not bother her or she planted flowers the rabbits did not like until I saw the rabbit repellent in her trash. So, she feeds the rabbits in her lawn, but 18 inches away, she puts out rabbit repellent in her flowers, hmmmmm....
Also, she puts out Indian corn for the whatever else is out there in the neighborhood. We live in a pretty nice area with nice size lots and newer homes. This attracts mice, moles, ugly ravenous birds and chipmunks. The chipmunks fill their cheeks with the bird sunflower seeds and Indian corn and bury it wherever. I will find sunflowers and corn growing all over the yard about 10 days after the destructive little buggers bury it. I know this is Illinois, but I prefer to leave the corn growing to the farmers.
KEEP BELIEVING
We are fortunate to have really great neighbors right now.
When I was a teen living at home, though, our next-door neighbors were craptastic. They were an empty-nester couple who were sour from day one. They complained about everything. They didn't like me to park on the swale even though our driveway was already full of cars (big family), and one day they called the cops to make me move my car. I yelled at them with great teen angst, "Great! Now you've done it! Now neither one of us can park here!" because sometimes they parked there too. Also, I might not have been the best about remembering to close my window shades while getting dressed, and it wasn't too long before they put up a six-foot fence....
oh, I think your neighbor tops anything my neighbors could EVER do and I think I will leave that to you. I am thankful to live in a rather quiet and CLOTHED neighborhood. LOL
At least now I KNOW you will be washing that bike...with bleach and all kinds of disinfectent.
PMSL, rather you than me!
I don't have a neighbor story...but that was definitely sick!!
A problem even Clorox wipes won't cure. Nasty.
Remember, I can't ride a bike, so you get this one for free:
I have stories galore of my hillbilly neighbors, but this one fits for the summer season. Hillbilly Master (stepdad to Hillbilly Drug Dealer and granddaddy to Hillbilly Spawn 1, 2, and 3) constantly climbs onto the ledge of the wood fence separating our properties to poke his hillbilly head over to chat. Always annoying, but totally mortifying in the summer, when I'm likely as not sporting a bikini while I splash around in the play pool with my kiddos. One day I'd had enough, so I told him, slowly and clearly: "You cannot talk to me over the fence because I'm not wearing any clothes. If you want to talk, ring the doorbell."
Instead of scrambling down and apologizing like any decent human being would, he started telling me about all the perverts who had come and gone in our neighborhood, all while looking me square in the breasts. I finally grabbed a towel and my kids in a huff and dragged them inside, kicking and screaming. 2 minutes later, the doorbell rings, and it's the Hillbilly Master himself, picking up where he left off when I ditched him in mid-sentence.
OMG I am totally stealing the word "assvice" from you!! I will SO be using that somehow in my next conversation with any adult... I can't believe he sat on your bike in his nasty speedo, that is really too much... really!
My story won't win any prizes but I still think it's amusing. After some neighbors across the street moved in they felt the need to "introduce" themselves by parking their butts in my driveway the entire time I was working in my flower bed one morning. They have a son about the same age as my oldest and she kept going on about how they couldn't get him to sleep at night. Then she yelled across the street to her husband to bring their kids sippy cup full of iced tea. Hmmm. I think I have a hypothesis about the sleeping problem. Anyone else?
Our next door neighbor removed his unsightly rose bushes with some rope, a truck, and a strong bumper. We live in a pretty nice HOA enforcing neighborhood. It was quite a sight.
p.s. I don't want your speedo smeared bike.
p.p.s. no story is going to beat yours.
Thanks for passing that visual along, MamaGeek. I'm picturing Charlton Heston in a Speedo.
Aaaaa Yuck. We had a neighbor who lives in the house next to ours and he just likes touching/patting you in the back - I so HATE it!
Ewwww! I still have that image! Yuk. And thanks. I think.
No story is better than that. 82. Holy moly. We have nosy neighbours and stuff but nothing to compare with these stories.
I have to go get cleaner for my monitor screen now....
Ah I wonder if maybe WE are the odd neighbor ... living in an apartment building even one as small as our brownstone (8 apartments) there have been odd tenants over the years ... there was the model who got on the elevator that Husband who was in the basement rang for .. she ended up going down rather than up .. and when he opened the door she said: How did you get here?
Okay maybe more Blonde than odd ...
Anyway David sent me! Nice to meet you.
:-Daryl
Definitely time for a new bike, Mama Geek!
Ew ew ew!!!
Eeeew. Magic eraser can't fix that either.
i HAD a neighbor (stress on the "had") that from the moment he moved in, he proceeded to start cutting down all of the trees on his property. Thankfully, he didn't get far because he was using a "saw" and not an electric one on trees that would require experts to come and cut down! every saturday and sunday he'd have his younger brother climb the highest part of the trees and begin sawing. This was the usually conversation yelled for all the neighbors to hear:
younger brother: i'm tired, i can't cut no more!
obsessed tree cutter brother: just don't think about it, cut, cut!
younger brother: but i'm dizzy!
obsessed tree cutter brother: don't worry, don't think about it, it'll pass. cut, cut!
he was convinced that all the trees surrounding his property were going to lift his house with their roots. when he proceeded to begin cutting a beautiful old oak in front of the house that bordered our land as well, i tried to talk him out of it. no avail.
final outcome - by the time he moved all the trees were missing branches here and there, but none were cut down. the beautiful oak in front of the house was given a trim that will take years for it to look beautiful again. when they moved, i couldn't be happier!
Whoa, how awful! I have odd neighbors but nothing compares to an old man in a speedo!
Oh gouge out my mental images! Good grief, I would have to wash my bike in rubbing alcohol or something. I got nothing to top an old man in a speedo. Ugh...mental pictures are sometimes unpleasant...
STOP IT...I am dying here...and as a matter of fact, I got the little joke at the end about the give away (possibly a bike)...ick!
I do have a "special" neighbor, as a matter of fact, he and his wife live right across the street and my office window opens up and shines brightly on the front of their yard.
Each and every weekend they work out in their yard, her in her smock and he in running shorts (from the 70's, that probably fit him in the 70's) and they mow the yard with a PUSH MOWER, not gas, not electric, the old time push blade thing.
Their yard has big gaping holes in it, big tall weeds in random places, but it also looks nice (does that make sense). They aren't mean or rude, just a little peculiar, but I guess, so am I.
Thanks for making me think on this one...
Melissa
My neighbor lives in front of us and thank God that trees seperate us so we don't have to look at his junkie untidy yard with the falling down porch and the two pit bulls who are inside an electric fence. Once we had to walk past these two dogs to get to our mailbox, then they became so dangerous we drove up to the box. Then gas prices went up and I said enough is enough. I went to the Post Master in Jefferson and invited him to come down my drive way to see what we have to contend with. I told him I was a disabled Retired Law Enforcement Officer and didn't have a problem carrying my gun to the mail box but that I had just as soon have my mail delivered nearer my home. I told him our nextdoor neighbor would be grateful not to have to make that walk past hell herself. So the PM showed up, took note of the dogs and marked the spot between Joanne's (my nextdoor neighbor) and our mailbox. Now I can thumb my nose at the two menaces up front of us, but I do keep my gun handy should they escape their fence. They should be very careful, I'm a dead on shot!
Sandi
ps
congrats on the mention from David!
Wow..that is so wrong.
I hate my neighbors. They were okay when we first moved in, friendly even. A few weeks later we came home from the grocery store to find the whole family, Him, Her, his 3 boys, her daughter, getting their pictures professionally taken.....in our backyard.....on our lawn furniture. We overlooked it, just though it strange. A few mos later we were getting ready to have a fence installed around our large backyard...we have a dog and I was pregnant for the third time in 3years, so we needed a safe place for the kids to be trapped...I mean play. One night while out in the yard, we were chatting and let them know that the fence would be installed that week. That was 2 years ago and the wife has not spoken to us since. Apparently they were not happy to not have free use of our yard any longer. There have been various other issues, such as them driving through our back yard before the fence was put up, kids climbing our fence to get their balls, driving their motorcycle through our front yard because their driveway was too full of their own vehicles. Most recently their kids have befriended my stepson who is here for the summer and while in our yard, they broke our toys, broke a peice of wood off of our deck, and hit several of our balls into our gully and left them there. So annoying. I am totally a nice neigbor too, so it is very frustrating to me to live near such rude and disrespectful people.
I do not want to win the bike. No way. I have a neighbor who loves to mow and wash cars and all of that stuff every single day. Thankfully he is fully clothed.
That was so funny. I don't know if I could ride that bike again.
I live in a condo community. The neighbors are interesting, funny, comical, head scratchingly weird, rude at times, but mostly it is a great group.
Thanks for the laugh!
Kristin
Oh ... wow. That's umm .. one interesting neighbour you got there.
I think I can do without the speedo.
The house across the street lives a mom and her 2 grown boys(maybe in their late 30's)
What was I thinking? I wasn't finished.
One of the boys would stand out on the front walkway and stare down the street for like 5-10mins. He would stare at you and when you say hi he'll turn his head away or down as if he's not there. Huh? O.K.
When the boys do yardwork they argue about how they are doing the work. And shoveling, the same boy as above would scoop a few times and stop, do it again a few more times and then go in the house for a long time and come back out to do it all over again.
It's quite entertaining.
I'm washing my eye sockets out with soap right now. Eeeeeewwwww.
No weird neighbour stories here. Thankfully. I think it's because maybe we're the weird neighbours. Every street only has one right?
When Balazs and I lived in our old apartment, he once scared the little boy who lived next door into dropping his soccer shoes down the garbage shoot instead of the bag of garbage the kid was holding. I guess my husband startled him. He didn't mean to, but the kid ran crying all the way back down the hallway to his mom. Oooops.
I guess that's more of a bad neighbour story than a weird neighbour story. Oh well.
*ROFL* You win...no contest. And for that I am truly sorry.
I have a few neighbor stories but tales of dead ducks on their porch (which I discovered when I caught Gracie playing with one) and stealing pizza from us PALE in comparison to a wrinkly dude wiping his junk on your bike seat. I don't care if he WAS wearing a Speedo. That's just all kinds of wrong!!!!
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